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Don't Be Fooled By Me

Don't be fooled by me
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask.
I wear a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second
nature with me
But don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me,
Within as well as without,
that confidance is my name
and coolness is my game.
That the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
Please!

My surface may be smooth but my
surface is my mask,
My ever- varying and ever - concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me
in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weaknesses
and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my
masks to hid behind.

They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades
to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glances that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation, and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me
from myself from my own self - built prision walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly errect.
That glance is the only thing that assures me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this, I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep - down I'm nothing,
that I'm just no good and you will see
this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate,
pretending game
With a facade of assurance with- out
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks
The glittering but empty parade of masks.
And my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
And nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
Do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying.
Hear what I'd like to say but what I cannot say.
I dislike hiding. Honestly.
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing
the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my mask would tell you otherwise.
It will not be easy for you.
Long felt inadequacies make my defences strong.
The nearer you approach me
The blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men,
I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
You wonder who I am?
You shouldn't
For I am every man
And every woman
Who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear

Author Unknown

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