Index of what is here:

Is it hard to recognize someone who is abused?
Do you wonder if you are being abused?
Do you wonder if someone else is being abused?

Is it hard to recognize someone who is abused?

Would You Recognize the signs of someone who is being abused?

This isn't as easy as it would seem. You may notice the signs of physical abuse but if the woman is still sick (which she obviously is if she is still with him) she will have very logical explanations for her marks.To know for sure if it is abuse, one has to view the whole picture, the dynamics of her relationship with her partner, their interactions, and hopefully you'll see some of the signs.

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Do you wonder if you are being abused?

If you are living with someone who displays any of the traits that are listed in Types of Abuse then most likely you are living with an abusive partner.

The reason I am pointing this out not only to you, but to any woman who may be in a situation that she is unsure of whether it is abuse or not.

Don't forget - the abusers are the best actors and manipulators of all time. It won't be easy for even the victim to know for sure that she is being abused. She may know she's being hit but he'll convince her that it is her fault. She started it by doing something that made him loose control. If she would change, this wouldn't happen. If she would only learn to pick up on the signals of his stress and help him, she wouldn't be deserving the beating.

Great lines, eh? Maybe not to you at this time, but to the abused wife who has spend a large part of her life with this abuser - she does end up feeling responsible for his actions. Any therapist will tell you that you are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own, but that's not what the abuser convinces her of. He convinces her that she is responsible for his actions.

So if you are wondering if you are being abused, then look at the list of Abuse Types for the types of abuse and the behavior and see if you recognize any of it. And if you want to know how to tell is someone is being abused, look for these signs as well. The abuser may be a great actor and many abusers have been called "Pillars of the community", because outside of the home their behavior is impressive and would not lead anyone to suspect that they are abusers. You must be aware of the symptoms to diagnose the disease and I hope that the list of the types of abuse and behavior will help you see the symptoms.

Some of these you may consider as being ridiculous but don't; because abuse starts off small and escalates. It is a cycle, a chain and it can't be broken unless the abuser seeks professional help. The wife and children must also go for help if they are to ensure that the chain of abuse is broken.

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Do you wonder if someone else is being abused?

Would you recognize the signs of abuse from a dear or close friend? Many people think that they would be able to do it quickly, but that is not entirely true. Abused women will hide the fact that they are being abused. They will have very logical explanations for some signs of abuse.

It's not going to be easy, but you can be reassured that if you do help - that you will be either thanked forever or never forgiven.

No one came to my aid. No one suspected anything was wrong, not even my family. I had no real friends - there was only his friends and they all believed that beating a woman was okay.

So how do you know if your friend, sister, mother, daughter is in an abusive relationship?

Here are some clues:
1) She may have bruises or marks on her body which she can hide with clothing. If someone is inappropriately dressed for a season ie long sweaters in summer and pants.....this could be a clue.

2) Any bruises that are visible and that she cannot hide, she will offer a very realistic story to account for the marks.
Since bruising yourself can accidentely happen, you will have to be on the lookout for many of the same types of markings that seem to happen too often.

3) Is the person you are concerned about shy, withdrawn, does not wish to discuss aspects of her life. Has her personality changed? Has she become less secure about herself?

4) If you question her on some mark, does she become defensive?

5) Have you observed how the couple interacts with each other? Do you notice that he controls her? Does he finish sentences that she was asked?

6) Control is a big issue with abusers. Have you noticed that the person seems unable to make decisions alone? Does she always give excuses of why she cannot go out at any time? If she does go out, does she seem overly concerned about his reaction if she is late?


These are but a few examples or clues to discovering whether someone you know is being abused. There are many more.


Don't stop trying to help if she does tell you. She will need a lot of support and a lot of good friends.

Be there for her - the reward of helping someone cannot be measured.  You may be the one thing that saved her life.

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